Memoirs of a Screw Up : Another Day
Hey everybody, I've decided to do a multi-part, simple memoir of what made me who I am today. After reading Michael117's blog entry "Let's Talk Musicianship" I was inspired to write this. Partly for me to read and remember, and to simply give something for everyone to read.
Simply put, I used to be a misfit. Even more simply put, I used to be a fuck up. A child who only gave disapointment and grief to his beloved parents. Sorry mom, Sorry dad, I hope I've given you less of a headache now then I used to.
Anyone who's read my blog entry's knows that I like to make music. I post a few things up for people to enjoy and listen too. Other hobbies of mine are drawing and making comics, and teaching/practicing Taekwondo. These are hobbies that I treasure and have taken me a long way towards shaping me to be who I am today. Without further Ado, Let us begin.
My parents came from Thailand to give me all the opportunities in the world. America, the land where hopes and dreams can come true. I was born in Ogden, UT, and grew up binlingual speaking Lao's, and English, while picking up Thai somewhere along the way. I grew up raised as a Buddhist, which, in my opinion, is the most least judgmental religion around. I grew up to be very accepting, and open minded. but this led me to be hurt by my naivety later on. School Children can be cruel, and unless your on the side that gets hurt, it's pretty hard to notice.
I was often made fun of for being...well, different. I didn't have many friends, and everyone thought I was just plain weird. I talked in a weird language, I ate weird things, and I just looked weird to everyone. I remember once, when I was about in 1st or 2nd grade, there was a group of kids talking about Christianity ( What kind of 1st graders talk about religion?) and wanting to make conversation, I jumped in asked "Who's Jesus?" Little did I know, I just dropped a bomb on myself. That whole week, I was the epitome of jokes and bullying because I didn't believe in Jesus. Funny thing is, nobody bothered explaining to me who he was, even after I made that mistake. I eventually found out who he was, but come on now, I was in 1st grade, did they really expect me to understand the concept of research? Now, I'll make a quick time jump to how I turned out after all these years of bullying.
When I was in middle school, I was a young, and angry little child. The general consensus is that kids being picked become quiet and withdrawn. Well, I became withdrawn, but I was far from quiet. Before I knew it, I became the kid that picked fights with everyone who even thought to give me a funny look. Somewhere along the lines, I just snapped, and realized violence made people bug me less. At the time, I had started picking up Taekwondo, a Korean martial art that emphasizes the use of legs and kicks, which I became quite good at too...but I'll get back to that later.
As I went through middle school, I began getting myself into problematic things. Such as dealing and selling drugs, and petty thievery. I felt that these problem children I hung around were the kids I was closest too, because there were screw ups, just like me. Around this time, my cousin was an upcoming local rapper and I would often watch and listen to him messing around with words and lyrics. Eventually, he made a joke about how I should just make him beats, instead of all these overpriced "whack-ass composers" trying to rip him off with sub-par beats. When I expressed to him some interest, he gave me a copy of Fl Studio, a music making program, and told me to have fun. A year went by, and I eventually figured out the program enough to have something worth showing off. My first song ever, The Fire Within.
As the years went by, I slowly started calming down. I had outlets to pour all my anger and frustration in to, and I started getting into less fights. At this time, I was quickly establishing myself as a Taekwondo practitioner. I won medals, and awards for my performance against other fighters. I was notorious for my ability to chase, and kick people in the head. Since I was always going for head kicks, despite how short I am, people began dubbing me as the "Headhunter" which I found to be quite amusing. Here's a song I made years after dedicated this nickname.
Now, I'm going to start about my years in Highschool. These are the years that truly mean something to me. Its not because I actually enjoyed school (or even went for that matter..), but these few years are probably the biggest, and most meaningful years of growth. This is when I finally realized who I was, and who I wanted to be. I discovered what I loved, and I discovered the things I hated the most. I got over depression, and through all of my mistakes, I finally become who I am today. This section will be littered with songs made by me, through my inspirations and experiences. Word of advice though, I do have vocals on a few of them, and the language may be offensive to some. Listener caution is advised.
When I first started high school, I felt invincible. I won most of my fights, and I was very confident at hurting people. When high school started, I began learning how to interact with all sorts of people to make me seem friendly, but it was only surface deep. I didn't open myself up to most people, and I didn't consider many people to be close friends. In fact, I don't think I even really considered those people to be friends. I'm more friendly now than I used to be, but yeah, I kept to myself.
At the time, I was still stuck in misfit ways, which made me keep people at a distance. When I received my license, I became even crazier in my endeavors. I actually met a girl that I found a strange attraction to. She had a certain air about her that brightened my days. She seemed very honest with herself, and in a world where everyone felt superficial, it was a breath of fresh air.
Ever since I met her, I developed a strange habit of watching people. I studied people to learn different persona's, and the interactions of the different cliques. As I watched people, I began watching how they interacted to the environment around them. It's always just another day, and human nature never changes. This inspired a song called Another Day, one of my first recorded songs ever made.
Alright guys, I hope this was an enjoyable read, I think I'm going to save the rest of the story for later, starting off from the girl who became my breath of fresh air.
Should I continue this series? Let me know