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Nerds Without Pants Episode 149: Remaking the Remaster

I think we need dramatic readings for every comment from now on...

Welcome to another jam-packed edition of Nerds Without Pants! This week, we’re joined by Friend of the Show John Gholson to talk about remaking some of our favorite games. We have a lengthy Consumption Junction segment, and finish things off with the most bombastic Video Game Cage Match so far!

00:00-08:30 Introduction

08:53-1:06:45 STAGE SELECT: What game would you remake, and how would you do it?

1:07:43-1:58:59 CONSUMPTION JUNCTION: Where John has been, Shazam!, the future of the MCU, Walt Simonsen’s Thor, Transmetropolitan, Far Cry 5 and Far Cry: New Dawn, MLB The Show (no, really), Battle Chasers, C2E2, TMNT, the great audio book debate, Suikoden

1:59:35-2:30:07 VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Street Fighter V vs Mortal Kombat XL

NEXT EPISODE:

STAGE SELECT: What is your favorite video game puzzle?

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Yakuza vs The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

GREAT GAME GIVEAWAY: Submit the secret code phrase found in this episode for a chance to win a copy of Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice or Devil May Cry V.

SUBMIT YOUR COMMENTS AND CONTEST ENTRIES BY 8:30 CENTRAL ON APRIL 17! 

FEATURED MUSIC

Men at Work- Who Can it Be Now

Cyndi Lauper- Time After Time

The Police- I’ll Be Watching You

 


 

Comments

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/10/2019 at 06:43 PM

Apparently, Cerebral Bore is also a death metal band, because how did I not already figure that would be the first Google Image result? 

I'm glad other people felt the same way I did about P.N. 03 at the time. Such a wasted opportunity. 

I need to stop buying games for hype I don't enjoy as much as everyone else. I need to stop owning God of War (2018), probably ... I miss rentals. 

I think they have the Sweet Tooth truck as DLC in Rocket League. 

Shazam! was fun, but mostly for the middle part. I thought the beginning and ending dragged and were full of tropes and bad 90s CGI. The meat in the middle makes up for it though. 

The Show is starting to sound really fun. 

I don't think reading and listening are the same, but you do get the same info. I tend to not count audiobooks the same way for yourself, only cause I'd like to improve my reading speed and comprehension, which audiobooks won't do. Honestly though, it just saves time depending on the book, so more power to you. By the way, lots of classic audiobooks are on Spotify for free. 

I don't know the comic book world well at all, but why is Super Mario Sunshine so damn expensive?!

I'm more surprised by Julian thinking XL is one of his least favorite Mortal Kombats than anything, honestly. The originals feel janky as hell to me. I will say I would have chosen Street Fighter as a franchise over Mortal Kombat as a franchise with no hesitation.

And whose fault was it that SFV launched like shit? MKXL all the way. 

STAGE SELECT: 

I dunno? The Witness? To be honest, I mostly find puzzles to be in the way of action in most games. So I'll just throw in a game I'm playing and enjoying that happens to be all puzzles. 

CAGE MATCH: 

Obviously, I'm choosing Yakuza, since I blanked on Skyrim being a specific game in the Elder Scrolls series and was meaning franchise vs. franchise ... meaning I guess I also blanked on the rules. Whoops. Would definitely have chosen 0 to go up against Skyrim if I'd remembered. 

Anyway, I'm going to assume we're doing Kiwami 1 vs. Elder Scrolls V, since the original PS2 Yakuza would get crushed here. I'm just going to say while I haven't played any Elder Scrolls except online, I prefer the real life Kamarucho/Kabukicho city in Tokyo to the fantasy setting of Elder Scrolls. Elder Scrolls is also sprawling, where I prefer the compact feel of the city in Tokyo, in which all the fun things are in walking distance. 

Plus, you have this heartwarming story of a gangster-with-a-heart-of-gold looking after an orphan girl after he finds her cowering in the corner of a bar after a deadly shootout, intense action, and it's all amid the backdrop of ... a trading card game that's basically sexy bug-themed mud wrestling, a photo booth mini-game, and a crazed-but-hilarious gangster so obsessed with fighting you he'll cross-dress to do it. And at no point do these tonal shifts feel unearned, which I feel is something only a video game can pull off. And that's what I appreciate most about Yakuza: It's a video gamer's video game, through and through, assuming you're mostly a single-player gamer. Do you play games for story? You'll love this. Do you play games for silliness and over-the-top action? You'll love this. Do you play games for surprisingly well-made mini-games? You'll love this. Do you play games to explore lovingly re-created virtual areas of real life places? You'll love this. Are you a hateful android incapable of love and simply want to destroy the world? You'll probably find at least one background character to relate to and love this. 

Now, granted, this is pretty humble beginnings for the series and it's going up against the 5th entry in what I assume is a stellar fantasy RPG, but as it started my favorite video game franchise of all time, my heart and soul will always vote Yakuza. 

... Again, unless we're talking about the janky ass PS2 English dub port, in which case I'll just go ahead and concede defeat, but with a vote for Yakuza (PS2) anyway, because I'm me. 

Julian Titus Senior Editor

04/16/2019 at 11:39 PM

MK1 was a janky game even in 1993, but I think 2 and 3 are fast and precise games to this day. MK9 had a huge input lag to me. I couldn’t pull off Scorpion’s spear on command for the first few hours until I got used to the timing. But it’s the shitty animations that kill me the  most. 

https://youtu.be/h6VCy1uKpyI

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/17/2019 at 01:13 AM

I'd have to go back and play them, but I remember combat being really stiff all the way up to at least 4. And I don't know the specific move you're referring to, but I liked 9. On those points, fair enough, I could have forgotten how those games played. 

On the Aaron Black animations? I mean, he was never my favorite character, but ... meh? That kind of thing really does not affect my enjoyment of the game. In fact, the more I saw of that video, the more I liked the quick animations, though I guess the lack of telegraphing would be annoying to an opponent. 

Julian Titus Senior Editor

04/17/2019 at 08:43 PM

You...don’t know Scorpion’s spear???

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/17/2019 at 09:38 PM

I broke my toe recently and was both tired and on Tylenol-Codeine 3 (and ibu profein) while typing that comment, so ... Like, lay off, man. :p

 

I'm gonna say this is on you anyway, cause all you had to say was "the get over here move." Scorpion has other spear moves in X, I think. I don't know, man. I'm just bitter and can't run. So now I'm bitter and getting fat.

Exrian Contributing Writer

04/12/2019 at 03:04 PM

Great show guys. If were getting into listener cage matches then I want to see Final Fantasy 6 vs Chrono Trigger!

Stage Select: The answer is definitely The Witness which I've raved on here about before. So I'll add something different. Not sure if it counts but theres a shark Easter egg in Battlefield 1 that was pretty interesting. You had to do a series of things to get a shark to appear. It was a well kept secret for awhile.

Cage Match: As someone who has played neither, I have the best answer. One had a Macho Man Dragon and one didnt. Guess who gets a big scaley elbow to the dry-cleaned suit covered chest?

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/12/2019 at 03:13 PM

I have no stake in that whatsoever, but that's a really good idea for a cage match. Even if I will have zero input. lol

Exrian Contributing Writer

04/12/2019 at 10:04 PM

Would Super Mario Bros. Vs Tetris interest you?

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/12/2019 at 11:46 PM

Not as much as FFVI vs. Chrono Trigger as far as matchups. But I see where you're going with it and it'd be interesting to see who votes for either one. 

transmet2033

04/15/2019 at 11:10 AM

https://www.gamecrate.com/sites/default/files/dishonored%20jindosh%20riddle%20solve.jpg

Stage Select:  The Jindosh Riddle in Dishonored 2.  Look at the above link to see the riddle.  The entire level is based around this riddle.  Your task is to solve the riddle, which is randomized for each playthrough.  The idea is that you are going to go out into the level and find the character who knows the answer...  OR...  you can sit down and solve the riddle yourself and bypass the entire level.

Cage Match:  I will go with Skyrim because I do not think I could go back PS2 era Yakuza game.
If it is really Kiwami, or 0 then the pick would have been Yakuza...

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/15/2019 at 05:21 PM

Yes! One for the home team ... assuming we're doing Kiwami, because while I haven't played them, I'm pretty sure I agree about PS2-era Yakuza ... 

Booky

04/16/2019 at 02:37 AM

It's weird, the part I stuck on longest with this podcast, of all things, was the audiobook discussion. I guess it really depends on your concentration. Like, an audiobook you're listening to when you're doing three different things (or just driving! Which honestly you probably shouldn't be doing) doesn't seem to me like it'd get retained as well as the concentration required to even just focus on a book. Or maybe I'm just good at noticing when my reading slips and to refocus and reread? I can't imagine doing that really with an audiobook, at least on the level or with ease you can do that with a normal book. Even relooking something up, I seem to be able to refind stuff easier in a physical book than, "Oh, didn't I hear something about this? Oh, I'll never find it." Maybe I'm just a poor listener!

STAGE SELECT: Favorite puzzle? Any puzzle where the solution is to reenter the door you seemingly just came from. Take that, spatiality! Favorite puzzle maker? Zachtronics. I don't know how Zach makes a living (a living!) making obtuse, programmic puzzles fun but, by gawd, somehow they've done it!

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Yakuza 1 vs Skyrim!? What is this? Ketchup vs Chocolate? Houseplants vs Screwdrivers? I can't make odds on this nonsense! Also, am I crazy or is this like comparing something the size of Knott's Berry Farm versus something the size of Disneyland? You want odds, let's get odd. Give it to Knott's Berry Farm... er, Yakuza (and let's pretend it's 0. Go play 0).

Julian Titus Senior Editor

04/16/2019 at 11:31 PM

No, I have the same thing that happens to me with podcasts. I listen to them all day at work, and because of that sometimes I have to back up the audio by as much as 5 minutes if I missed something. This is especially true with audio dramas like the No Sleep Podcast, which is a lot like an audiobook.

F1r3inth3H0L3

04/17/2019 at 02:00 PM

STAGE SELECT:

Disclaimer, I hate puzzle games and puzzles in general when it comes to video games. My answer will be Portal (whole game). I played it because of the hype and I tolerated it enough to make it through it. My thoughts it was okay, one day I will play the sequel.

 

CAGE MATCH:

Skyrim by a mile. I have never played a Yakuza game but I can already declare that Skyrim would be my favorite of the two. I hadn’t played Skyrim until maybe a year or two ago even though it’s been out forever and released on every console. Yakuza 0 looked like a fun game but I haven’t played the series so I never bothered to buy or play it.  

Super Step Contributing Writer

04/17/2019 at 06:44 PM

Yakuza 0 is a prequel and where many people, including with myself started with the series. You should absolutely play it. If you do, I'll download Skyrim on Steam. 

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