I got DA: Inquisition the year it came out, when it was on sale at Gamestop for $30 new. The opening was rough enough that I didn't make it very far in the game before I gave up. Having a big move across the country to deal with didn't help matters much. I have never been able to get into BioWare. For western RPGs, I'm more into Bethesda, CD Projekt, and Obsidian. There really was too much busywork involved that got in the way of the game.
Cage Match:
Area 51 took one look at the fight card, started whimpering, and just curled up on the floor and died. Dragon Quest XI shrugged and went back to making sweet love to many beautiful ladies atop a big pile of money. After the good morning music played, the innkeeper said, " *: You were sure up late!"
Meanwhile, Sauron from Primal Rage, having been told he would be facing a plumber and expecting an easy win against John from Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, entered the ring, a floating platform. He saw Mario, began laughing hysterically before dissolving into tears, and immediately started swinging himself around by his own tail. His last words as he flung himself on top of one of the spiked bombs at the edge of the ring were, "So long, a-Sauron!" Mario then went to the royal bedroom where he found out that the cake Peach had promised was in fact a giant cake with Peach inside of the cake in a negligee. As an extra surprise for Mario, Peach brought in Mayor Pauline, who was finally ready to make up with Mario after they divorced and Mario got together with Peach. (Cue the heart wipe with the "wipe" sound from Super Mario World.)
I was honestly kind of rooting for Primal Rage against such lower-tier contenders as Quest 64, Clayfighter, and Plumbers Don't Wear Ties. I enjoyed Primal Rage in the arcades, during the peak of the blood-soaked Western fighting game craze, alongside games such as Killer Instinct, Time Killers, and Way of the Warrior. But against Mario?
After listening to the part about Treasure of Nadia, NWP turned into a hardcore sex podcast so gradually I didn't even notice.
Comments