PixlBit

Stage Select:

I was going to come up with some elaborate reworking of a favorite franchise, but after reading stories about how much money Actiblizzard is making off of Diablo Immortal, screw it. If you really want to make money, just call Tencent or NetEase and throw some mobile gachapon stuff together and and call it a day, since all you need is a few rich whales to keep you afloat. More and more, video game technology is about monetization rather than graphics, sound, and gameplay.

Cage Match: 

Gonna go with the Colonel Sanders visual novel on this one. That said, it's too bad that Wendy's didn't turn its pen-and-paper RPG Feast of Legends into a video game.  I thought about trying to rework it into a computer game using RPG maker and running it past Wendy Thomas or Nelson Peltz to see what they say about it.

Stage Select:

OK so Dynasty Warriors games featuring other characters in spinoff games are pretty popular.  You've got two Zelda ones, a Dragon Quest one, and a Fire Emblem one.  And isn't there a Persona one, too?  Well, anyway, with Kirby being more popular than ever now, I think it's time he got one of those.  You could call it Kirby Star Warriors!  

The next idea is one that was orignally an idea for a comic book hero that I had.  I've only told this idea to my little brothers, and they all said it was dumb.  But maybe it could translate into a video game.  So here's the deal.   You are a super hero but your only power is that you can touch anything and turn it into a super hero, except yourself.  So if you needed to save a cat stuck in a tree, you'd just touch the tree and turn it into Super Tree and it would save the cat.  But with great power comes great, well, you know.  So you don't want to touch everything so that you don't fill the world with Super Toilets and stuff like that.

Last Stage Select was definitely one where I went: "Oh, I should've went fun.  All waterfalls should have treasure chests or eat shit.  Every game with a motorcycle, you better be able to do a wheelie.  Oh well."  I also think Kirby is fairly tight in that it's, you know, kinda Smash Bros adjacent (or as tight as Smash Bros is... but actually kind of a little more because Kirby usually has more rigid positioning and less whatever the hell Smash Bros. Ultimate is).

STAGE SELECT:
Gentlemen, there's one target demographic that we're just not doing enough to attract.  And do you know whom that is?  Go on, give it a guess.  Did you say "women"?  Ha, ha, ha!  No.  That's right: toxic gamers.  We're frankly just not hitting the toxic gamer audience at the numbers I *know* we can hit.

Now, imagine: You're number one.  You've destroyed the competition.  You've spend some money on the coolest outfit that money and rage can buy, and the end of game replay cam is shooting off.  Sure, you look cool, but what about the suckers?  What about the dupes?  They just look normal, maybe even slightly cool themselves as you're stomping them into the dirt.  They might have even spent more money than you and I can assure you, as a businessman, that that should make you furious.

That's why I am suggesting the following: skins but for the *other* players.  Can you imagine sliding into the enemy as they wear an "I'm With Stupid" shirt and an arrow pointing up?  Outmaneuvering the saps as stink clouds emanate around them?  $5 might just get you a rare gatcha Clown Ensemble.  Heck, $500 might (emphasis: might) just get you the rare chaser Mime variant!

Now I know what you're thinking: So I can watch a replay at the end of the game.  Big whoop.  But: here's where the NFTs come in.  That's right, every single mock cam (patent pending) can be attached to another player via the blockchain.  These fun videos are guaranteed to play not just right after the match, but *absolutely* guaranteed to play during the matchup cam at the beginning, if the price is right.  Spend a little extra money to fuel your hate and, bam, there you go!  Show them exactly who you are.

And if somebody did it to you first?  Well, just buy it off the free market and you're home free!  That's right, every NFT available is also on our glorious new commodity market.  (Fees apply).  Thanks to required social media integration and lax privacy laws, we can guarantee that your favorite streamer who picks up the game, even for a second, can be the target of your hate.  Attach it to your own profile via credit card or cryptocurrency and everyone can know who owns the Pewds!

Of course, the squeamish might say, "But Booky, nobody would play such a hateful game!  People would bail at the first sign of toxicity!"  But here's the thing: they can't!  For I'm not talking about the next Overwatch or Halo.  Small fish.  Gentlemen: welcome to the brand new FIFA 2024.

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH:
THIS GAME COULD
KILL YOU.
https://i.imgur.com/VBbRWyE.jpg

Also, fuck Capitalism.  The Colonel's Bequest wins!