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What does a "retro" gamer think of this year's technology-infused, franchise-blasted E3?

Hi everyone! Although I didn't attend E3, mostly due to having little interest in modern gaming outside of Wii, I still managed to watch bits of the press conferences and catch some pieces of news. There wasn't much shown to change my personal opinion, but there was still some excitement. Since I haven't been posting my usual Nintendo 64 entries during the week, I figured I'd offer up my impression of E3. I realize this is a bit late, but I'm a retro gamer. Since when am I timely?

First up is Microsoft's new motion camera, the Kinect. Unfortunately, the only thing which I find clever about it is the name. I'm trying very hard to not be pessimistic and give it a chance, but honestly, there is hardly anything I can think of that it can do which the Wii cannot already do, or PS3 Move will be able to do, but better. The sole gaming concept it provides is head-tracking, which would enable a stereoscopic 3D effect by tracking the position of the viewer's head. This application seems most useful to first-person shooting games, which require a controller, and would not be appealing to the "casual" crowd that Microsoft is clearly targeting with the current lineup of Kinect software.

Speaking of its software lineup, it is quite uninteresting, and a painfully blatant carbon copy of Wii. Kinect Sports goes so far as to contain three of the five sports featured in Wii Sports, and Deca Sports Freedom looks no different than the same titles on Wii. Joyride seems like a simplified version of Mario Kart and ModNation Racers. The only game which might prove interesting is Kinect Adventures, but one game doesn't make a system (add-on?). It's a bit late into this generation to be releasing such a similar product, as most interested consumers have likely already purchased a Wii -- or will, because of its larger software selection -- and existing owners are probably satisfied with their one system.

Other than Kinect, Microsoft's XBox 360 lineup looks like it will please XBox fans. I'm sure the new Halo game will be a big hit with shooter fans, same with Gears of War 3 and Call of Duty: Black Ops. And a Metal Gear movie was present, too. If Fable III builds on the first two games, it could end up very intricate. It isn't a very diverse lineup, but for those interested, it looks solid.

The conference held by Sony was a decent presentation. One thing I will say about Sony is that they seem to know the type of person who has purchased their PlayStation 3 gaming console, and their conference appealed directly to them. Kevin Butler, the guy who appears in Sony's advertisements, came out on stage and performed an almost stand-up comic type routine. He took shots at Microsoft, Nintendo, and even gamers in general. It felt a bit like elitist ridicule, but then again, that's been the vibe I've gotten from Sony for the past ten years now. A new Twisted Metal game was announced. As far as I know, it was a well-received car combat game which hasn't had a new entry in years, so it looks like a nice surprise. There was also some first-person shooter game which involved a jetpack, but the thing was, the jetpack was attached to the helmet of the controlled character's suit, or something. Every time it was used, it obscured the view with thrusters! Talk about a poor design choice.

Sony also demonstrated the Move, a motion-sensing controller which might provide some competition for the Wii. The price of the controller and necessary components might be a bit high for some, but the price point of $40 for first-party Move games -- a good $10 less than Nintendo's games -- might help make it more enticing. The Move will be compatible with numerous PS3 games, including Resident Evil 5. Although impressions seem to indicate the device has a bit of a delay, it might have just been that it wasn't in an ideal setup, and it will work better at home. Move may very well be the first real competition for the Wii, assuming it works as advertised.

Nintendo's new portable, the 3DS, didn't impress me, and its lineup of games is entirely underwhelming. However, this likely has more to do with me than it does for the product itself. There isn't really any way to demonstrate the three-dimensional capabilities to the viewing audience, it is the kind of thing which one must experience first-hand to see it in action. How well does the 3D work? Does it accurately portray depth? Is the image clear and crisp? Do issues arise when one moves their head or the system? Hands-on impressions from show attendees have been generally positive, but it still isn't enough to answer these questions when it comes to me, personally.

As for the games, my disinterest likely stems from the presentation. During the conference, no actual games were shown or announced. Everything was released later, as nothing but a large list of game names, and a few screenshots for each. There were no details, and mere screenshots can't convey the 3D element of the system. Titles like Mario Kart and Animal Crossing are virtually indistinguishable from the Wii entries in those series. The StarFox 64 and Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time remakes are also very lame, and not just because of my extreme hatred of remakes. StarFox seems like a game which could be very exciting in stereoscopic 3D; does anyone honestly want a 3D-ized version of a game they've likely played over something new? All in all, from what little I know of 3DS games, with the one exception of Kid Icarus, they look like nothing I can't already get on the Wii. But in THREEEEEE-DEEEEEEE!

To be fair, I simply do not like handhelds, and don't understand their appeal. Due to their small size, they are never comfortable to hold. I prefer to sit on a comfy chair or couch, put my feet up, and have a nice television screen across the room, instead of having to hold a tiny lightbulb in front of my face. Sacrificing all of that for the sake of portability doesn't enthrall me. I'm not one who travels a lot, or otherwise find myself in situations where I want to play videogames when not at home. Few handheld games compare to the size, scope, control, and fun factor of console games.

Fortunately, Nintendo's lineup of Wii software gives a lot to look forward. Although one would think the next Legend of Zelda game would top my list, I actually missed that portion of the conference because I was asleep. I still haven't checked out the screenshots and information available, because, with how far off the release date is, I don't care to know about it yet. Oh, don't think I'm not looking forward to it, because I definitely am. But I'm not interested in learning about it now, because there are a lot of other games in between which are not to be ignored.

No, I was watching for the game announcements. When the video of Kirby's Epic Yarn played on the screen, I smiled uncontrollably. Not only was I happy the long-rumoured Kirby game was finally here, it also looked absolutely amazing. Though I must say, the name is lame, but I s'pose Kirby games have never followed a clever naming scheme. Wii Party looks like a solid and creative minigame collection, and I can see my family getting into it. However, I lament that it lacks the Mario theme and characters, because I find them to be much more charming than Miis. The only disappointment I have, is that there was but one Mario game announced. I was hoping for more, perhaps something to be released in the fourth quarter of the year. Or, better yet, something each month of the year.

There is still one aspect of E3 that will never cease to be shocking. Everywhere I looked, I saw a lot of 2's, 3's, subtitles, and tack-on words. With very few exceptions, there were no new and unique games to be found anywhere. Everything was a sequel, or another entry in an established franchise, or even a remake. It was the epitome of the passionless product which the gaming industry churns out these days. Perhaps that's an article for another time, another day, but it is sad to see my second-favourite hobby be so devoid of the artistic vision it once possessed.

All in all, it was a pretty good E3. There was new hardware revealed by all three companies, which may open up exciting gaming possibilities. A lot of different games were shown by various companies, in every genre imaginable. Gamers of every kind must have seen at least one thing which made them look forward to the remainder of the year. As for me, I'm still waiting for the announcement of new Nintendo 64 games. It's been eight years now, what do you think is the hold up? In any case, I think it is clear who won E3 this year:

Gamers.

-Kathrine Theidy