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Nerds Without Pants   

Nerds Without Pants Episode 158: Conspiracy Nerds

Hey, we're just asking questions.

Break out the tin-foil hats and buckle up, kids, because Nerds Without Pants is taking you on the conspiracy theory train! That’s right, we delve into all manner of rumors, speculations, and outright lies regarding video games. We hope you’ll join us for this jam-packed Stage Select topic, and then stick around to see who comes out on top in the steel cage when Half-Life 2 goes toe to toe with Halo 2!

00:00-04:59 Intro, the next Great Game Giveaway winner. Next contest announced!

05:21-1:46:47 STAGE SELECT: Video Game Conspiracy Theories

1:48:15-2:23:12 CONSUMPTION JUNCTION: Julian’s Nintendo Switch takedown, Fire Emblem: Three Houses

2:23:47-2:46:20 VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Halo 2 vs Half-Life 2

2:47:20-2:49:33 Outro and outtakes


STAGE SELECT: Who (or what) is your greatest video game nemesis?

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Clayfighter 63 1/3 vs Killer Instinct Gold

GREAT GAME GIVEAWAY: Listen for your chance to win a copy of Control or Astral Chain!




Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night- Luxurious Overture

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night- Bibliotheca Ex Machina

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night- Theme From Bloodstained (Piano)

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night- Theme of OD

The HU- Yuve Yuve Yu




08/15/2019 at 12:29 AM

All the Mortal Kombat stuff was neat. I'm kind of surprised you guys were thinking about it. I actually did find the Chris Houlihan room during my second or third playthrough of A Link to the Past.

Stage Select:

My video game nemesis is EA... wait, that's not what you meant, right? Okay, my nemesis is those giant fish in World 3 of Super Mario Bros 3, the ones that can eat Mario instantly no matter how powered up he is. I freakin' hate those things and will often run out the clock shooting them with fireballs. 

Cage Match: 

You're kidding, right? Killer Instinct Gold is easily the best of these two mediocre N64 fighting games. I never did see KI as anything more than an off-brand Mortal Kombat, but I needed something to play on N64 other than Super Mario 64. It wasn't anywhere on the level of Virtua Fighter or Tekken, but it was something to play. It was a testament to how dry the N64 library was that CF 63 1/3 got a cover story in Nintendo Power. It kind of reminded me of how Nintendo was like, "Hey, we don't have Final Fantasy VII on N64, but we have Quest 64, which is just as good!" Anyway, KI Gold was okay, and they even had the best 3-D backgrounds in a fighting game at the time. The game itself just didn't make use of them.

Now there's a good cage match for next time: Quest 64 vs FFVII.

Super Step Contributing Writer

08/15/2019 at 05:55 PM

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: I was, in fact, joking. However, I would also go with Killer Instinct: Gold. 

That's what I'd say if I was basing this on anything close to an objective, meaningful opinion. Clay Fighter 64 1/3 never got my brother into such a fury he broke one of my controllers and I appreciate the unique aesthetic, so my vote goes to CLAY FIGHTER 64 1/3. 


08/16/2019 at 02:59 PM

Actually, now that I think about it, it reminds me of Krusty proudly saying that he didn't have Itchy and Scratchy, but he did have Eastern Europe's favorite cat-and-mouse team, Worker and Parasite.

I can imagine there were a few people at Nintendo going "What the hell was that?!" when they saw CF63 1/3 or Quest 64. 

Super Step Contributing Writer

08/15/2019 at 06:12 PM



Triclops in Metroid Prime are not hard to dispose of, but damn, they're annoying. Good for you, buddy. You caught me in a ball. Put me down, please. No, don't put me in your buddy's mouth. Put me down, you guys. Hey, put ... stop it! Stop it. This is making this take so much longer. Why do you exist? You're not challenging, so you must only exist to irritate me ... like some sort of gaming cockroach. 

2. Turn-based combat

I hate it. 

3. Daisaku Kuze from Yakuza 0

This one I actually enjoy fighting quite a bit, but damn. He's like the Monty Python and the Holy Grail Black Knight of Yakuza villains. The gut just does not quit. 

I'm pretty sure the real reason for Kiryu's no-kill policy is that he thinks it'll just lead to Kuze hounding him even more, but from the grave and with even more vengeful motivation. He figures Kuze can at least live with the small victory of Kiryu never finishing the job, cause if Kuze was a ghost killed by Kiryu, he'd be the only person Kiryu ever fought again, saying "Death 'tis but a scratch!"


This episode felt a lot tighter than normal ... maybe cause y'all legit stuck to two topics for all of Consumption Junction. 

Guess I'm glad you were able to get me that PS4 code in lieu of a Switch game if that's how you feel about the console, Julian. Hot damn! lol

As for Fire Emblem, all I can say is living in a town where I teach at the university and said university is pretty much the only place women below 35 are (not that 35 is out of my range, cause 29 isn't that much younger)is uh ... it has its challenges. I have to read Tinder profiles REAL carefully. 

Jamie Alston Staff Writer

08/16/2019 at 02:47 PM

Stage Select:

1. Enemies that float in a sine wave pattern in 2D plaformers (like the Medusa heads in Castlevania for instance). It's really annoying, especially if your character gets knocked back from enemy contact.

2. The bosses in stages 2 and 4 of Streets of Rage 1, as well as the twin sub-bosses who where palette swaps of Blaze. All of these characters are hard to hit with conventional punches and kicks but they can efforlessly make short work of you, especially those infernal Blaze twins.

3. The license tests in the Gran Turismo series. I can accept that they put it in the first game. But did we need it for 5 additional sequels? No. No we did not. Joke's on them though. I Game Sharked my way pass the license tests for GT 1,2, and 3. I have learned aboslutely nothing! HA ha ha!

Cage Match:

I've never played either game, so I'm going to side with Clayfighter 63 1/3 for its odd numbering in the title name. I appreciate that sense of humor.


08/21/2019 at 05:18 AM

Really liked the crescent fresh addendums this time. Also, is it too late to change my vote to French Halo? 

Maybe I can answer some of those legendary questions? Alucard's real name is Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes (even in Castlevania III) and in the Japanese manual it mentions he changes his name from that to Alucard. The common lore is he reversed/mirrored Dracula's title to show his opposition to his father after he left him (although afaik there's no official source of that, the wiki that popularized this's source doesn't actually say such a thing. But it's thematic enough). For the other mystery, I wonder if the Final Fantasy VII 1/35 scale model was a reference to Final Fantasy VI.  That game has an unobtainable 1/1200 scale airship that you can bet on in the Jidoor Auction House. 

Stage Select: Since I'm focused on Castlevania now (and I've been thinking of it anyway between Bloodstained and the upcoming Halloween season), I'll share my two big nemeses from the original series. 

I'm fairly okay at Castlevania, but I've never done a no-death run and it's for one simple reason: Stage 10. Right after the Mummies you literally drop into a weird underground cave area where you have to jump between floating platforms above what's soon to be your watery grave. While doing so a constant stream of Fishmen jump up from the depth, and even though those are easy to deal with (they're set under candles I believe, at least in the first loop) you also have to deal with bats at the same time which aren't quite on a straightforward pattern (unless you literally do speedrunning pattern manipulation tricks). Doesn't matter how much I prepare for it, something always go wrong on that level. Even if I get through it perfectly I'll lose my subweapon to a semi-random drop and eat it on Frank. Medusa Heads have nothing on this (really, look how they spawn, you'll literally never get hit if you're scrolling and if you're stopped there's easy to see safe zones). 

Remember those areas in Zelda 2 with the falling blocks you have to deal with? Well, Castlevania III Stage 7B makes that look like total child's play. You have to literally scroll up this long vertical shaft by jumping from block to block as the fall from the sky and create steps. It's agonizingly slow and death means you have to do it all over again from the beginning. I like to do Trevor-only runs which means I can't just skip this part by turning into a bat (and depending on your partner you might not be able to even on a normal run). On top of that, afterwards is a pretty difficult section and an deceptively hard boss (made harder in the US version). It's so long that if you dally just a little bit on the stage you'll often run the timer out even if you complete the block-falling section well. I hardly ever die there anymore but it's still such a pain! 

Video Game Cage Match:
" Clay Fighter! Clay, Clay Fighter! "
" Come on, fight them if you dare (Hoo!)! "
" Clay Fighter! Clay, Clay Fighter! "
"Hit ‘em, smack ‘em, they don’t care! "


08/21/2019 at 07:39 AM

Stage Select:  The controls in Dead Space's asteroid shooter section.

Cage Match:  neither.  they can both burn in hell.

Exrian Contributing Writer

08/21/2019 at 01:37 PM

Thanks for the kind words guys. It was a great episode. Though we need Patrick to return to the pantsless ways. Does he even remember what it's like to be pantsless these days? 

The Halo books are actually really good. Well at least the first few. I haven't read the newer ones. Fall of Reach is excellent and Ghosts of Onyx is another I really liked. Though that one has less to do with Master Chief. I'd recommend Fall of Reach to anyone interested. 

I cant believe how much the Switch is hated. I love mine. I get that it comes with caveats but being able to play console games at work is very nice. That said I am also in a union Justin. There are pros and cons but I definitely think the pros outweigh the cons. I couldn't imagine being so scared about my job security at all times. Being made to work crazy hours with pushback the moment you ask for a break. I cant believe the working conditions that some people suffer through, only to be fired on a dime with no support what so ever. I hope this industry unionizes so others can be less stressed in their life.

I'm getting into 3 Houses and finally dropped my OCD tendencies (thanks Justin.) Its been great. Though I notice that this game KILLS the battery like no other game I can think of. 


Stage Select: Nemesis

The Square Tetris block. Why do you hate me? Every damn time I am up to my neck in blocks and you're the last thing I want, you show up. Sometimes twice in a row! You're not needed here. Get out!


Cage Match

Never really played either so I'll scientifically figure this out. Can clay actually die? Not that I'm aware of. Though Killer Instinct has that dead skeleton guy so hes dead but still moving. You cant hurt clay by cutting it, I think. Clay can hurt you as shown by Clayface in the Batman Animated series. Batman would definitely be able to take on both Clay and a skeleton because of, "Batman Reasons." So I say Batman drops down from the roof, takes a steel chair and hits both for a surprising finale that ends in a DQ. Skeleton man is mad he lost his shot at the title so attacks the ref. Security escorts skeleton man from the premises. Bret Harts music plays and he shows up and says hes the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be and hes actually a Highlander and there can be only one. Cuts off Batman's head and is victorious. He then challenges any other Highlanders then the Ghostbusters music starts. While looking at the ramp they jump in from behind from the crowd and say Bret Hart has been a ghost all along and proceed to vacuum him up. Winner, the crowd for just experiencing the greatest cross over since Avengers! 

Ok Clay man is still in the ring and therefore is the winner. So Clayfighter?

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