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Nerds Without Pants   

Nerds Without Pants Episode 223: The Champ is Here!

We'll never top this!

THE TIME HAS COME AT LAST! Chex Quest. Chrono Cross. A 16-foot-tall steel cage. Who will emerge as the first ever Nerds Without Pants Video Game Cage Match champion? The listeners decided. Now you need to listen to find out. We’re joined by Mike Fallek and John Gholson in their first ever meeting on NWP to help with the proceedings!

00:00 – 4:16:12 Intro: Are you the cops? CONSUMPTION JUNCTION: Chinatown Detective Agency, The Batman, Cyberpunk 2077, Judgment, Mass Effect 2, problems with Gamepass, and much, much more!

4:16:48 – 5:03:45 VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH TITLE BOUT: Chex Quest vs Chrono Cross

5:03:53 – 5:17:22 Outro


STAGE SELECT RETURNS WITH A LISTENER AMA! Please answer the following questions:

  1. How are you doing?
  2.  What are some YouTube recommendations?
  3.  In a fight to the death with someone your size and build you have the choice of a 6 inch knife or an aluminum bat. Which weapon do you choose, knowing that the one you don’t pick goes to your opponent?
  4.  What do you smell like (or think you smell like)?
  5.  We’re going to McDonald’s; what do ya want?
  6.  What’s YOUR idea for a Stage Select?
  7.  What video game fan fiction would you write (if you did)?



Twitter: @NWPcast


Our theme song “Relax” and interstitial tracks “To the Maxx” and “Moody Grooves” are written and performed by Megan McDuffee.





05/13/2022 at 01:07 PM

1. Not great right now. My sister and I are having to make a lot of difficult decisions regarding the care of our mother. 

2. Pete Davison, a former GamePro editor, does "A to Z" channels on various classic platforms like the Atari 8-bit and the C64. He also does Evercade as well as a channel where he tackles various games from various other platforms.

3. I'd take the knife, as I could probably take a few hits from the bat, but the knife would probably incapacitate me a lot more if I got stabbed.

4. After a day in the hot Arizona sun, you don't really want to know.

5. The only things I get at McDonald's are Chicken McNuggets and fries, or occasionally hot cakes and sausage or bacon. Chicken McNuggets are my favorite fast-food chicken nuggets, whereas if I want a hamburger, I'd rather go to Wendy's, In-n-Out, or Whataburger. My favorite hamburgers are from Red Robin.

6. Stage Select: Top 5 playable female characters. I'm old enough to still remember when Ms. Pac-Man was pretty much it for playable females, and when Samus being a woman was a huge shock. 

7. Something Zelda-related, as Zelda is and will always be my favorite game series. When I was a kid, I even used an Atari 8-bit program called Adventure Creator to make an extremely abstract "Zelda 3," three years bafore A Link to the Past came out. Needless to say, my version didn't really measure up.

Cary Woodham

05/15/2022 at 08:49 AM
  1. 1. How are you doing?
  2. I'm OK.  Could be better, but probably could be a lot worse.  Just have to count my blessings.  That's all I can do.
  3. 2. What are some YouTube recommendations?
  4. I recommend "Slopes Game Room."  Especially the "Complete History Of..." whatever game he does.  I especially especially recommend his Complete History of Pac-Man videos, because I helped make them!
  5. 3. In a fight to the death with someone your size and build you have the choice of a 6 inch knife or an aluminum bat. Which weapon do you choose, knowing that the one you don’t pick goes to your opponent?
  6. I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag.  But in some video games, you can swat the knife away with a bat, so I'd pick the bat.  But I'd rather just make friends with whoever I was fighting.
  7. 4. What do you smell like (or think you smell like)?
  8. After work I probably smell like plumbing supplies.  But overall I'd like to think I'm odorless.
  9. 5. We’re going to McDonald’s; what do ya want?
  10. I want a Happy Meal with a Pac-Man toy.  And have it served to me by the McDonald's Moon Man!
  11. 6. What’s YOUR idea for a Stage Select?
  12. So since you haven't done one in a while, I'm not sure what you do in your Stage Select topic.  Is it just a general topic to talk about?  How about your favorite cereal?  Favorite video game based cereal?  And what video games would you LIKE to have as a cereal?
  13. And feel free to steal topics from my podcast, too.  I just did one on our parents favorite games and even had a special guest!
  15. 7. What video game fan fiction would you write (if you did)?
  16. Probably one with all Namco characters.  Or a Final Fantasy story, since I think I can come up with a better story than Square can.  I've even had a couple of dreams about that.  One dream I was working for Namco, but mixed in with regular human employees were Namco video game characters.  I talked with the receptionist, Reiko Nagase, as well as Taizo Hori (Dig Dug), and walked past Gil from Druaga and Taki from Soul Calibur.  But when I got to my cubicle, I thought to myself, "Wait, what do I do here again?" And then I woke up.  I also had a pretty elaborate dream about me being in a Final Fantasy game (I was a White Mage).  I think I wrote a blog about that on a long time ago!


05/20/2022 at 10:47 AM

Wow, that editing and voice work on the last podcast!  Great job!

Stage Select:
1. How are you doing?
Ignoring all the obvious like COVID, Long COVID, and the environment disintegrating... pretty okay!  I've been speedrunning a season of one of the chillest games ever this month (I mentioned it in the relaxing Stage Select), not because I'm good at it, but because I think it's funny to speedrun a chill game.  This last year I've beat every Final Fantasy from I to VII, most which I never played (which included VII believe it or not!).  Did you know Final Fantasy VII is actually okay?  At *least*?  Recently, I played this fun little obscure Japanese indie JRPG heavily based on NES Final Fantasy/Dragon Warrior and had a really good time with it, it's called Artifact Adventure.  In a couple weeks I'm going to start a late gardening project and I've been getting out of my comfort zone and reading some computer science-y things to exercise the ol' noggin.  So, pretty okay!

2. What are some YouTube recommendations?
It's pretty bawdy but I have a lot of fun with Internet Comment Etiquette with Erik.  I saw the weirdest boxing match recently that I thought was great so I'm posting that here too (just don't read the title because it spoils the result), Dad's Full Fight:

3. In a fight to the death with someone your size and build you have the choice of a 6 inch knife or an aluminum bat. Which weapon do you choose, knowing that the one you don’t pick goes to your opponent?
Like, Streets of Rage style?  Or maybe equip a Casey Bat and SMAAAASH!!

4. What do you smell like (or think you smell like)?
Moon swamps and old Egyptian bandages.  Bee's feet.  Calliope steam.  Electricity.  Axe body spray.

5. We’re going to McDonald’s; what do ya want?
A Happy Meal depending on the toy or whatever the latest promotional item is depending on what that is, extra large fries even though they'll never be great again, and a large chocolate shake or Sprite.  Make sure to ask if they have the McRib but only if they absolutely don't.

6. What’s YOUR idea for a Stage Select?
If every Stage Select got into the Cage and fought, which would win?  It's a new idea, but I'm thinking there could be a tournament of sorts that lasts months and months.

7. What video game fan fiction would you write (if you did)?
Apparently I write video game podcast fan fiction.

Video Game Cage Match:
Everyone that voted for Chrono Cross has committed an unnecessary and unprovoked personal attack.  No that doesn't have to make sense.  Shame on you!  Quest 64 wins and may God have mercy on our souls.


05/20/2022 at 08:34 PM


1. After nearly ten years of me working exhausting, thankless jobs, we had a big shake up in our family that resulted in my wife now working (in a job that is better than the one I had in every way) and I am mostly taking care of the kids now. The four kids. As a result I am not physically exhausted like I used to be but I now have a mental/emotional exhaustion that is its own beast. Life is better, no doubt, but I haven't had the time I'd hoped for to pursue the things I'd like to accomplish. Also, this has slowed my podcast consumption, so I am often not finished with the previous NWP by the time the new one comes out. That said, I did really enjoy that last episode. Five hours, wasn't it? But with Mike and John guesting, the time really flew by. Excellent work, guys.

2. I really only use YouTube for music and very specific queries, like maybe I want to see someone fight a boss I'm having trouble with to get some tips on beating it. I don't have time to just watch stuff. That said, maybe check out "Journey (Vocal Variant 2)" from the Destiny 2 OST. So peaceful and relaxing.

3. My gut instinct is to go for the knife, since you really just need one good hit with it. But the extra reach of the bat...playing Ninja Turtles games taught me to always go with the longest weapon. I am at an impasse! Ugh. I guess...I guess the knife. Forgive me, Donatello!

4. Well, my deodorant is cucumber mint, which is pretty nice. As for my effect on the psyches of those around me, I imagine I smell like determination with a hint of vengeance.

5. You sure we can't go to Wendy's? Darn. Quarter pounder with cheese, I guess. Oh! Ask for bacon too. I'm sure they can do that.

6. Clearly the podcast needs a recurring haiku segment. Like...

"Mega Man steals pow'rs

Beats robot masters to pulp

Wiley craps his pants"

Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. I feel like Justin could do some good work here.

7. Either something very silly—Mega Man accidentally guns down a masseuse robot and can't get rid of the power until he finds the robot master whose greatest weakness is a great massage—or very serious, like, um, expanding on pretty much any JRPG.

Cage Match!

I'm voting for Chrono Cross but not out of a sense of malice for Quest 64, however much that might be deserved. Nor am I voting for Chrono Cross out of a deep well of personal nostalgia, though that well is deep indeed. But I'm voting for Chrono Cross with Quest 64's best interests at heart. Let's be honest: Quest 64 is famous because of its many high profile losses, and what will happen if it wins? Will it live a renewed second life, treasured in our hearts for its overlooked qualities? No, it will have a blaze of glory and then fizzle back into obscurity. But by losing, Quest 64's lease on life is renewed again, its time in the sun extended. And so I'm voting for Chrono Cross. You're welcome, Quest 64.

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