PixlBit

Click here for the intro. Four of us on staff volunteered, for the lulz, to recieve a mystery game in the mail for review from Nick--all of them terrible--and document our experiences here on Pixlbit.

Out of all the ones I could've gotten, I consider myself pretty lucky. If one were to lay out the shameful Wii cash-ins end-to-end, they would reach the moon and back. Yep, I'm pretty sure no racing game is worse than what Chris Yarger got: Disney Princess My Fairytale Adventure 3DS Or Matt Snee: Gummy Bears Magic Medallion Wii. At least a racer has some action. What's poor Julian going to do with History Channel's Great Empires of Rome DS? Read about history on his DS? LOL.

With that out of the way, this game still blows. Now, I should say that it IS functional: the steering works fine, the trucks don't drive through walls or do any other crazy glitches. It's just generic, boring, lifeless, dull, insults my intelligence, and lives up to the bargain bin pedigree in every way possible. The only options are championship, 2-player, time attack, and that's all. Wooo.

ZZZZZzzzzzz

Each cup represents a different Ram engine series: 1500, 2500, etc. Whatever the cup is, that's the type of truck you get to race as. When this game says Ram Racing, it's not kidding around! All the CPU trucks are the same truck for that class, but get this--they're all different colors. That's right, colors.

All the trucks look the same, sound the same, steer the same, accelerate the same. Every track is 100% surrounded by guardrails and an invisible wall and most of the time they are barely 2-3 trucks wide. I haven't felt this patronized since the poor saps at Red Robin had to sing happy birthday for me.

The first cup, a mere 2 courses of 2 laps each, was a shock. Is this going to be the whole game? 2 tracks per cup? Nope, it just starts off easy, later cups have more tracks. The menus are worthless. Anyways, I breezed through the first cup, slamming the side of other trucks every time they were making a turn to spin them out of the way. Then in the second cup onward, that no longer works; the CPU trucks all suddenly become rock solid and trying to shove them against the wall is impossible.

Around cup 3 or 4 my brain was turning to mush. I decided to quit a race because I thought I accidentally picked one I already finished. Turns out they just recycle tracks and add them to the next cup to pad the game out a bit.

The one and only time your tires are allowed to leave the ground.

After a bunch of mind-mushing levels of forest, desert, snow, city, I wanted a bit of change. I decided to use the d-pad, even though the steering worked fine. Turns out the d-pad controls are broken. Every time you press left or right to turn, it also causes the truck to make a skidding noise, which I eventually noticed also causes you to lose an enormous amount of speed. You can't get first place with the d-pad no matter what, and the controls can't be changed in the pause menu. I had to quit the race, change them in the main menu, then start over.

this. game. sucks.