It’s always fun to do a “worst of” list. Keep in mind that this is my personal list, I’m sure everyone’s is different when it comes to VG movies. This was really hard because there are so many bad VG movies. So for this list, I didn’t pick the movies that are boring and forgettable (there are tons of those), but rather, the ones that are aggressively bad. These movies fail to adapt the source material from the games or adapt it in a way that falls flat. We’ll start with the least bad at number 10 and end with the absolute worst at number 1. Here we go!
10. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
This could have been just a generic sci-fi movie as there’s almost nothing that connects it to the Final Fantasy franchise. This movie has boring characters and a confusing story. The only good part is the animation, which was amazing for the time, but even that doesn’t hold up too well now. The action scenes are more reminiscent of Contra or Halo than Final Fantasy. Also, some of the voice acting is not good at all. The failure of this movie caused Square to realize, “Maybe we should make FF movies that have FF characters in them,” and so they made Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, which is a much more enjoyable film than this sci-fi mess.
9. Double Dragon (1994)
This dumb movie starts with a big exposition dump about a king that split a magical medallion into two parts. The villain has one part and he’s looking for the other—simple enough. The movie fails to translate the game’s characters (such as Abobo and Linda Lash) onto the big screen. Also, just about everyone here has a horrible haircut. The action scenes are hilariously dumb with the oddest assortment of bad guys. Also, you’ll notice that Jimmy does most the fighting while Billy just avoids fights or throws things instead. Clearly aimed at a younger audience, this movie can be dumb fun, but it has no value beyond that.
8. Assassin’s Creed (2017)
From the start, the premise for this movie is stupid. Instead of the movie taking place in the past, Michael Fassbender’s character is transported into his ancestor’s body to do stuff in that past life. Sound complicated and unnecessary? Oh yeah. The movie will also cut back and forth between the past and the present showing Fassbender’s character inside his special chamber (plugged into a hi-tech machine) doing certain things like climbing a wall—clearly this was to show how "cool" the machine was, but it just takes away from the action. Also, the action scenes are shot poorly, with tons of cuts so that you won’t like them at all. The movie also cuts away anytime something remotely graphic will happen, which means this is a very safe PG-13. The actors are trying, but they can’t save this mess of a movie.
7. Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)
None of these movies are great, but the worst of the bunch would be RE: Retribution. The movie is all style and no substance. The movie kicks off by killing off almost all surviving characters of the previous movie (one of the great movie sins). Then the characters go through a lab that represents different things from previous movies (easter eggs?), and it all feels hollow—also like they’re throwing anything at the wall to see what sticks. There’s nothing interesting or new here—it’s just visual noise, and your ears might be bleeding by the end.
6. Alone in the Dark (2005)
While studying an ancient Native American tribe, a doctor accidentally releases a monster from another dimension. We follow paranormal investigator Edward Carnby as he attempts to stop the doctor and defeat the monster. Directed by Uwe Boll (who loves to make crappy VG movies), this movie had a budget of 20 million dollars, and yet it looks cheap! Both the monster and the protagonists make baffling decisions that any thinking person wouldn’t make. Boll has no clue how to direct action scenes, and so we get a bunch of cuts and zoom-ins that are jarring to watch with high-octane music that sucks any enjoyment out of the moment. There are plenty of scenes that are pointless, such as when two soldiers are sneaking around doing nothing. And that’s what this movie is: pointless.
5. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)
While the first Street Fighter movie was goofy and fun, this one is too serious and cringey. All the characters are off. Chun-Li is a concert pianist, Balrog is just blah, and M. Bison is a businessman in a suit. Chun-Li tends to narrate the movie with the most obvious lines. It appears that the movie wants to be more “grounded,” but it simply comes off as boring and uninspired. One scene has Chun-Li in a blue dress that’s clearly supposed to be her in-game costume, but it’s just a generic blue dress and looks dumb. The movie is also needlessly violent, such as when Bison beats a hanging corpse (they’re trying to be Mortal Kombat, I guess). The fights are also cheasy and lame. But worst of all, you don’t buy that Chun-Li is the powerful fighting force that the movie makes her out to be. This movie is just a load of crap.
4. DOA--Dead or Alive (2006)
This movie is more of a porno than an actual Hollywood film. So many scenes are completely nonsensical, and just when you say, “What’s happening?” the film cuts to a sexy lady in a bikini to make you forget what you just saw. 90% of the movie is just pervy female body shots. The sound effects of the action scenes are also so ridiculous (whip sounds and guns cocking) that they make Power Rangers sound amazing. The story is also nonsensical—the villain captures the fighters and uses sunglasses (LOL) to somehow take their powers. Nothing about this movie is good, although it’s hilarious to watch. It’s truly DOA—Dead On Arrival.
3. House of the Dead (2003)
Directed by Uwe Boll (remember him?), this movie is based on a silly arcade light gun shooter. It looks like a TV movie, complete with actors that can’t act. First of all, the script is in conflict with itself. There’s a big party happening on an island, and a ton of people are there dancing and having a good time, but the “main characters” can’t find anyone to take them to the island because it’s cursed or something. How did all those people get there then? But that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is the fact that they inserted shots from the game all throughout the movie as transitions. This is completely jarring and nonsensical. The characters are so boring and wooden that it seems the director was half-drunk while he was directing. This movie is truly a dumpster fire of crap.
2. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
This movie is hard to watch. It’s the sequel to the very fun first film, but you’ll notice that it looks very cheap. The CGI and green screen effects are simply atrocious. It’s clear that the film makers did not understand MK lore at all. The characters are wooden and have no chemistry, the acting is cringe-worthy, and the costumes look super cheap. The match-ups are also strange and are hilarious to watch. Certain characters will show up (look, it’s Sheeva) only to be killed in two seconds. The fatalities (if you can call them that) are also stupid—Sonya kicks Mileena in the face, and she rolls over in the mud. Lame. There’s nothing good about this movie. If you can actually sit through the whole thing, then you deserve a medal!
1. Super Mario Bros. (1993)
And here we have the worst VG movie ever. It’s well known that this movie was plagued with problems—script re-writes, animosity among directors and actors, etc. Mario seems much older than Luigi, and the movie eventually reveals that Mario adopted the guy as his brother, which is just not right (Luigi is also missing a mustache). The Mushroom Kingdom is a dystopian hellhole that you wouldn’t want to live in. Also, Mario and Luigi go to a night club and dance while half-naked women dance in the background. All the characters are off, from Toad to Goomba to Koopa (who is a nonsensical villain). The plot all throughout is a mess and doesn’t make a lick of sense. This movie tarnished Nintendo's brand to such an extent that they have NEVER done another live action movie with any of their IPs. I doubt it will ever be topped as the worst VG movie.
Do you think my list is spot-on, or would you have it differently? Let me know down in the comments.
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