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Snee's 2013 Imaginary Game of the Year: The Contenders


On 11/16/2013 at 04:53 PM by Matt Snee

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It's that time of year again!  Time for Snee's Imaginary Game of the Year Voting, where we pick out the best imaginary game out of a selection of titles that the REAL game companies were too afraid to make.  Please read over the selections highlighted below and make your pick!!!  Sure, there's a lot of sequels this year, but what can you do???  That's the way gaming works!!


AAA Tactics Ogre HD

I’ve had it up to here with handheld JRPG’s, and Square-Enix dazzled us all this year with an HD, AAA tactics game the likes of which the world has never seen before.  Complex animations.  Flashy spells.  Endless skills and customization.  A deep story no one understands.  This is what makes Tactics Ogre great, and it was about damn time for us to have a new JRPG in 1080p.  With branching paths, 27 different endings, and 86 different classes, you can play this game until you die, and then finish it in Heaven. 

 

Open World Joker Game 

You’ve played as Batman, now it’s time to play as his archenemy the Joker.  Blow up malls.  Poison cheerleaders.  Rob banks just for the hell of it.  Burn money.  Elude vigilantes and mob bosses and the police as they try to take you down.  Sure, this game was controversial, but what isn’t these days? If you thought killing women in God of War wasn’t satisfying enough, try incinerating children as the Joker.  This game will never get old!

 

Ice-Climber 2013

Ice-climbing never gets old. It makes us laugh. It makes us cry.  In an age of online multiplayer where tweens spout the N-word and other epithets as they put bullets in your head, it’s nice to play a game where you can both help and fuck over a gaming partner sitting to next to you on the couch.  Ice Climber 2013 taught us many things, but most importantly, it taught us this: Nintendo can recycle ANYTHING. 

 

The Adventure of Link: Part Two

If there’s one thing there’s not enough of in this world, it’s massively difficult 2D sidescrolling RPG’s.  Luckily, Nintendo changed all that with their epic sequel to the 1980’s classic, The Adventure of Link.  I thought the first one was obtuse and unnecessarily difficult.  Boy was I wrong!  This game puts the first to shame, and makes Dark Souls look like a kindergarten game.  Finally, Link has magic spells again.  Finally, even the internet and Game FAQS won’t help you.  Finally, someone made a game so impossible it’s giving people ulcers and making retro freaks suicidal.  Thank you, Nintendo!

 

 

Road Blaster Online

The only MMO good enough to be on MY Game of the Year list, Road Blaster Online revisits the original 1980’s classic and then some, with HD cel-shaded graphics, and heart-pumping action and head-pounding physics.  For a while the people of the world forgot about Road Blaster – No longer!  It’s back baby, with more rocket-shooting, oil-spilling upgrades than you’ve got hairs on your head.  And it’s an MMO!  With RPG skills and customization!  Not only that, the questing offers branching dialogue trees and tire-burning excitement.  Check this game out now!

 

 

Corporate Zombie Space Dad

The only simulation on this list, Corporate Zombie Space Dad was one of the year’s biggest surprises, and finally answered the question: do zombies go to the bathroom?  This was the only game that let you manage the construction of a space station, raise kids, and eat brains at the same time, and boy was it a satisfying experience. This is my personal favorite on the list, and I have spent endless time chasing humans while tutoring my virtual kids in math, and arguing with my virtual boss about oxygen recycling.  If you haven’t played this game yet, you are insane!!

 

 

Well, what game gets your vote this year?  Killing civilians?  Or raising zombie children?  Or perhaps you enjoyed collecting heart containers?  Or maybe blasting armored cars into powder.  

Let me know in the comments!!!


 

Comments

Lucario995

11/16/2013 at 06:02 PM

I think I would play Open World Joker Game. YOU GET MY VOTE. 

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/16/2013 at 08:47 PM

yeah I would actually pay $100 for that.  Laughing

BrokenH

11/16/2013 at 06:23 PM

Still waiting for the zombie corporate dad AAA Tactics ogre cross over! It'll be the game of the millenium! Tongue Out

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/16/2013 at 08:48 PM

Kotaku just posted a rumor it's coming next year!

BrokenH

11/16/2013 at 11:14 PM

Square/Atlus better not be lying to us! (On alternate earth 101.B, Atlus merged with Square!)

daftman

11/16/2013 at 08:21 PM

Oh man, it was a good year. As much as I enjoyed the new classes in AAA Tactics Ogre HD, like Penguin Samurai and RoboConfectioner (give them baddies some cavities!), I have to give the nod Corporate Zombie Space Dad. Something about orbital utilities management and braining underperforming subordinates really just drops me into zen gaming, ya know?

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/16/2013 at 08:47 PM

I hear ya, man, Corporate Zombie Space Dad is obviously the frontrunner this year, for good reason!  Who knew simulations could get back in the spotlight?!?

Alex-C25

11/16/2013 at 09:36 PM

Oh come on! Where's Pokemon Donut and Baggle version? IT'S THE BEST GAME OF ALL TIME!!!!!!

Oh well, my vote goes to the Joker.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 01:11 AM

handheld games were not included this year.  Tongue Out

Remy LeBeau

11/16/2013 at 10:50 PM

WTF?!?! That open world Batman / Robocop / Crash Bandicoot game didn't get a mention? I'm disappointed Snee. Just kidding man. I'd play all of these. I vote for a new Tactics Ogre though. As many times as I have played through Final Fantasy Tactics, I don't ever think I'll ever fully understand the plot lol. I imagine that Tactics Ogre is similar. Undecided

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 01:12 AM

that Crash Bandicoot/Batman game was WAY too buggy.  And the DLC sucked. 

yeah I love how overwrought the plots are for those Tactics games.  They're great!

ThatKidOverThere

11/17/2013 at 01:05 AM

This made me laugh really hard. You sir, get a cookie.

My vote goes to CZSD. It literally was life changing. It was so inspirational and artistic, it made Journey look like a crayon drawing by a kindergartener. It gave me so much insight to the human condition, it was like reading one of a philosophy major's textbooks. Plus, you are a frickin' space zombie. How cool is that.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 01:13 AM

thank you!

and yes, not only a space zombie, but a space zombie DAD!  

Casey Curran Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 03:08 AM

Well if we're going imaginary then Kotor 3 automatically wins. Even if it's not on this list.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 03:48 AM

It won last year.  Laughing

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 04:11 AM

there SHOULD be a Star Wars game on this list, but "AT-AT Racer" got delayed until next year

KnightDriver

11/17/2013 at 04:10 PM

Open World Joker for sure! The beginning of the game could see Joker escape from Arkham Asylum ala Oblivion. Then your objective could be causing mayhem all around Arkham City just to piss off the city police and watch people run scared. Then you could capture and torchure Batman, have a fling with Harley Quinn (kicking her to the curb afterwards of course), kill a half-dozen Robins, and finally blow up the entire city. I hope Rocksteady is weeping over deciding to make their sissy Batman-centered good-guy game instead of this one.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/17/2013 at 04:38 PM

yeah man, Batman is a sissy.  I want a game where I save the city by blowing it up block by block!  Tongue Out

transmet2033

11/18/2013 at 12:02 PM

Even if it was not open world, a Joker game sounds awesome.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/18/2013 at 02:41 PM

yes.  yes it would....

NSonic79

11/19/2013 at 01:35 PM

What happen to Jesus Gun! Aftering thinking about that modern day sequel to "Call of Jarez" mes thinking that might be cool.

AAA Tactics Ogre HD is my pick.

Matt Snee Staff Writer

11/19/2013 at 04:55 PM

I like the "Jesus Gun" idea so much, I'm saving it for something else...  Sealed

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