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BaD 2017.14: rough day.

On 02/17/2017 at 07:16 PM by Julian Titus

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I had something gaming to write about today, but then I remembered what day it is. I’m losing time lately. Not in a blacking out kind of a way, but in a days running together kind of way.

We don’t do birthdays in my family. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. I have since turned my back on all religion, but for me, birthdays are usually just another day, with very few exceptions. Certain special people rate for me, and I make a big deal about my birthday when Leap Year rolls around, but that’s just an excuse to be a kid for a day.

As such, I spent most of my life not knowing my mom’s birthday. I knew it was in February, because mine is, too. It wasn’t until I had to put it on her death certificate that I learned it and committed it to memory.

Being a devout Jehovah’s Witness, my mother wouldn’t want me to make a big deal about this day. She wouldn’t approve of me talking about it at all, nor would she be happy at how sad I am today. I mean, I’m sad most days since she was killed, but today is a harder one than most.

I know that everyone loses their parents eventually. But my mom was so sharp and “with it”. She was 72 when she died, but she had no problems with computers, the internet, or keeping up with current events and TV shows. We watched Arrow and The Flash together every week. We watched Doctor Who together. She was shopping for an iPad, because even though she liked her laptop, she decided that she liked the portability of the iPad better. I believe that we could have had another ten to fifteen years, easily.

Maybe it’s a blessing that she was taken so suddenly. I don’t have to watch her deteriorate from some disease, or forget who I am because of Alzheimer’s. But I think I’d deal with that if it meant that I got to watch Singin’ in the Rain with her some more. 



Matt Snee Staff Writer

02/17/2017 at 07:25 PM

i wouldnt say it was a blessing u lost her, but it is a blessing u had her so long.  Some people arent so lucky.  I like to think that even though it has its disadvantages, only the lucky get old.  Every day is a blessing unless u are suffering terrible pain or have altzheimers.  I live with my parents and i depend on them for my emotional well being.  The thing is, if i happened to sell millions of books and become a millionaire i think i would still live with them.  Some people dont have good relationships with their parents and i try to remember that.  But also every day that goes by i watch them age... and its hard.

Julian Titus Senior Editor

02/20/2017 at 08:14 PM

I am thankful that I had a good relationship with my mother. I wish we had talked about our feelings more; both of us are very reserved in that respect. But I always had her, and I know some people aren't that lucky.

Super Step Contributing Writer

02/17/2017 at 07:54 PM

I don't know what to say other than sorry for your loss and maybe you can honor your mom's memory by cheering yourself up since she wouldn't want you to be sad.


02/20/2017 at 02:42 AM

I hadn't had a confortable relationship with my parents since high school. but just this year I started having dinners once a week with my mom (my dad passed on in 2012).

I don't feel all that secure in my life right now and knowing she's around helps, but I don't know how things are going to go when she goes. I feel I need to get things together so I don't feel so vulnerable when that day comes. I guess I need to find some additional source of strength and self confidence. I imagine you're doing something similar in your situation.

If I had a family, I think it would be better. At least I still have my girlfriend who I've been with since '89. I'm not good at having a lot of friends and people to communicate with. I'm especially bad at communication and teamwork, as I was telling a freind at work one day when we were talking about multiplayer games. He's great at that stuff. I'm a lone wolf, always going in my own direction, forgetting what the team goal was. I'm fine with that though, I wouldn't want to be someone else.

Anywho, hope you're finding your way. I'm trying to find mine. 

Julian Titus Senior Editor

02/20/2017 at 08:16 PM

Now that my mother is gone, I have removed myself from my family. I never felt comfortable around them, and now I find peace knowing that I don't have to deal with any of them anymore. My father is still alive, but I cut him out of my life almost 15 years ago. I had dinner with him after my mother died, and that was rough. 

All we can do is try to find our way. I am definitely struggling to do that right now.


02/21/2017 at 12:59 AM

I've been pretty distant from my whole family since I left college, or maybe since I became a teen. I just never had much to say, I guess. Always felt I was doing something really different from them. 

I struggle along, sometimes on the brink of disaster, but, so far, I've managed to stay afloat and not have to lean on anybody. But being kind of on the edge all the time is tiring, and I'm really tired of it right now. I'd like a little security and a feeling of confidence about the future. It doesn't have to be much, just some. 

Good luck. 

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