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Reviews

Gummy Bears: The Magic Medallion Review

Might be enjoyable if you were high on crack, and weren’t the one playing.

This review is part of the 2014 Sh*tty Game Review Fest - read about the event here.

I hope there is a special place in Hell for Nintendo Wii shovelware developers. Gummi Bears, The Magic Medallion alone would win Storm City Games and everyone else involved with it prime oceanfront property at the sea of fire.  With platforming gameplay akin to wading through mud, and graphics similar to a bad Sega Game Gear game, this game, frankly, makes me want to dismantle the developer so they never strike again. 

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Disney Princess: My Fairytale Adventure Review

Time to trade in my beard for a tiara, let’s do this!

This review is part of the 2014 Sh*tty Game Review Fest - read about the event here.

Disney Princess: My Fairytale Adventure is a tough nut to crack. On one hand, I can see where the developers were going with this and aiming it for children. On the other hand however, they made this game incredibly difficult to talk about considering the fact that I’m a grown man reviewing a game meant to be played by adolescent children. While Disney Princess comes through as a boring and extremely monotonous for my mediocrely functioning adult brain, it could still conceivably be a solid title for kids everywhere, probably.

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Ram Racing Review

Need for sleep.

This review is part of the 2014 Sh*tty Game Review Fest - read about the event here.

Believe it or not, the Dodge Ram license is the least offensively bad part of this bargain bin shovelware detritus that came out on Wii a few years ago. I'll grant that it's a fairly novel way to grab the attention of the idiot masses, and it's never been done before. Now that the good aspects are covered, it's all downhill from here.

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Skylanders Swap Force Review

Another year, another Skylanders game.

Three years later and the Skylanders craze is still in full swing. From kids to adults, it seems that everyone loves collecting and playing with these colorful characters. The latest iteration of the series brings a new wrinkle to the toys as well as to the game, but neither truly changes the tried-and-true formula. Platforming mechanics add a bit more depth to the traversal and combat mechanics, while the swap ability makes it a bit more fun to play with the physical toys by mixing and matching tops and bottoms. There’s no doubt that the whole kit is quite nifty, but as a game, Skylanders Swap Force still leaves something to be desired.

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Transformers Prime - The Game Review

I present to you - the Matrix of Mediocrity

As a fan of the television series Transformers Prime, I have to admit that part of me enjoyed parts of this game that is clearly aimed for a much younger audience. Earlier this year, I got my Transformers fix with High Moon’s Fall of Cybertron, but I felt that Prime had an opportunity to do justice to a different part of Transformers lore. The universes are both part of Hasbro’s initiative to create continuity within the cannon and not only that, but a dark and grittier tone is also shared by both. After playing Transformers: Prime however, I was left disappointed.

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FIFA Soccer 13 Review

Already own FIFA 13 on another platform? Think twice about picking up this version.

FIFA 13 for the Wii U isn’t really FIFA 13.  Sure, there’s a big “13” emblazoned right there on the box, and the rosters are all updated from last year, but those changes don’t really make it a new game.  The FIFA 13 that gamers have been enjoying on PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 is decidedly different from the game that has shown up on the Wii U; a game that is seemingly behind the times.  At its very core, this is FIFA 12 – a good game to be sure - but a step behind the other versions that have been out for months.

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Skylanders Giants Review

More toys, same mundane experience.

I really wish I understood this Skylanders craze. Don’t get me wrong; I totally understand the obsession over the toys themselves, they’re pretty neat on their own right. Plus, bringing them into the game via the Portal of Power truly excites both my inner-nerd and inner-child. However, the game these plucky creatures get dropped into is so basic and mundane, it’s puzzling to me that there’s still a market for it all.

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The Last Story Review

Does the Wii’s last epic live up to expectations?

I’ve been excited for The Last Story since I heard about it a few years back. Being helmed by Hironobu Sakaguchi, the creator of the original Final Fantasy titles, and with work from the brilliant Nobou Uematsu, it seemed like a title that was destined to be great. Previous to the game’s launch, I expected a content rich, traditional JRPG with an epic story and addictive gameplay. After completing the game, I can say that I enjoyed the game a lot, but it didn’t exactly live up to what I imagined it would be. 

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Madden NFL 13 Review

For the first time in years, the Madden series has seen some major upgrades.

Over the past few years, I have been very disappointed by the Madden series and have chosen EA’s alternative series, NCAA Football. Each progressive entry only saw minor changes and a noticeable lack of substance. Perhaps worse, most modes in the game were minor variations of the core sport, with some simple roster adjustments. This year EA finally brought some new material to the table making for a great football experience.

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PixlKids: Brave: The Video Game Review

What happens when kids review a children’s title? You get surprisingly honest results.

Reviewing children’s titles is always tricky business. As adults, it really is impossible to mentally travel back to our developmental years and place the game in its proper perspective. The only way to truly get around these limitations would be to have a child perform the task. On the positive side, as long as there’s no motivation for them to lie, kids are usually brutally honest, even to the point of being impolite. On the other hand, children lack the perspective, critical reasoning, and linguistic skills necessary to create their own reviews. They also tend to be very polar in their opinions, meaning anything they like automatically gets 5 stars, while games they hate earn zero with no middle ground. Clearly this is a problem. The solution? Have daddy help.

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