Drunk Ramblings From The Blake Himself

On 05/04/2013 at 02:08 PM by Blake Turner

Hey everybody! Do you know how many attempts it took to not fuck up that title? And this sentence. And that sentence. Ok, I'm going to stop that now, it's silly. Silly is a hard word to type. I wrote Silluy so many times iyt wasn't funny. But I'm slowing my words down so you peeps can read it. Oh yeah I just said peeps. I'm gangsta yo! AAnd oh so very white.

Anyways, lets talk about shit that this site should talk abvout: GAMES!!! Lol... I almost wrote gasms. This is Pixlbit, not pixltit. This is a website, not duke nukem 3d... ANYWAYS!!!! What have I been playing? Defiance for plus10damage. Seriously, once I started this game I couldn't quit. Literally, I couldn't find the fuckinh quit button!!! I had to alt tab and fucking right click that bitch! I googled it, and I was told I had to press 'O' (Lol, that 'o' looks like some seriously nasty deep throat!) then go to the gameplay options and hit log out. Oh, and who the fuck maps your character screen to escape? THATS FUCKING RETARDED!! I had to press like F5 or some shit to access my graphics options up, because I wanted to up the draw distance. Turns out I was on max. I felt like I was playing silent hill 2 WITHOUT THE FUCKING FOG!!!

Thats enought about that game though. I have pringles. They're fucking amazing. I'd share them with you, but you live so far away! I still love you though, whoever you are... AMERICANS DONT KNOW HOW TO DRINK!!! They're like "I'm going to have a good buzz tonight." N***a, I get buzzed BEFORE I GO OUT! You don't know what drunk is until you've been put to bed by a security guard! You don't know what drunk is until you shit out a bowling ball the next day! You don't know what drunk is until you visit australia, because EVERYTHING HERE TRIES TO KILL US!!! We get drunk so at least we'll fucking die happy. Why am I talking about this? I sounf like a douche. BACK TO GAMES!.

So I'm trying to decide what I should play when I finish this blog. It has to be mindless fun because my capacity to think outside of offensive jokes is severely limited. I could play with one of you. Lets see, who's online... Matt Snee. He has counter strike go... We could deathmatch that shit. Nah, I'll rage quit. That game is hard at the best of times.

Do you guys have a favourite gaming youtube person? My favourites are: Totalbiscuit, Campster, Dodger (she is fucking adorable), and Angry Nintendo Nerd. Seriously, you guys should watch the TGS podcast. It's amazing. Except the last one, because the guest was a fucking idiot.

Finally, I love all of you guys. ESPECIALLY YOU! All your blake are belong to me. No, that's not right. All my blake are belong to you? Anyway, you get the meme I'm trying to misquote, so just replace base with blake and remember I love you and all will be good. GOODNIGHT ALL!!!!

jgusw

05/04/2013 at 03:35 PM

And that was..., "Drunk Ramblings From The Blake Himself".

Blake Turner Staff Writer

05/04/2013 at 03:49 PM

Yep :) ANd Bilby made me rice! She's amazing and should make a pixlbit account. She was awesome on 1up!

Bilbasaur

05/16/2013 at 02:58 AM

Speak my name and I appear lol! But seriously, I'm glad you guys got to hear the drunken ramblings of Blake, so it's not just me having to listen to this inebriated fount of wisdom.

05/16/2013 at 03:01 AM

Wisdom?

BrokenH

05/04/2013 at 04:23 PM

It's true...I can't drink worth shit! Smirnoff wine coolers are my favorite alcoholic beverage!

05/04/2013 at 04:53 PM

Lol... It's ok Ben. You don't need to drink. You're awesome sober! I am too, but not great around people I don't know. Also, I don't dance well.

Alex-C25

05/04/2013 at 05:24 PM

Well, now that I think you're sober, I say that, while I need to get back to their videos, on youtube gaming channels I watch Game Grumps. I just love to watch two guys dicking around with videogames.

05/04/2013 at 05:54 PM

Ok... Well since you like dicking around, have a video.

Total Biscuit's wtf is series is like a first impressions series, usually about indie games, although not always. He is generally very informative, if a bit pc elitist, but his knowledge and research of games is pretty sweet. With this one though, he teamedf up with jesse cox, and it is both hilarious and informative, as they kind of fuck everything up. This turned into a kind of hilarious series too :) Don't worry too much about the length. Just watch a bit of it, and if you don't like it, stop :)

And yeah, I've watched a few game grumps, should watch some more. I prefer informative discussion over tomfoolery though.

Also, not entirely sober yet...

Travis Hawks Senior Editor

05/04/2013 at 06:05 PM

Is there a pulitzer for blogging? We've got a frontrunner right here!

05/04/2013 at 07:01 PM

You sir deserve more than a pulitzer for sarcasm :p Somebody should invent that award...

05/05/2013 at 04:30 PM

In all seriousness, I liked everything about this blog, especially picturing you typing it out.

Aboboisdaman

05/04/2013 at 06:28 PM

I guess the moral of this story is don't drink and blog lol.

Aw, but Joe Step made it seem so easy.

Super Step Contributing Writer

05/04/2013 at 08:06 PM

Yeah, but that's cause I'm American and didn't pre-game that night, so there ya go. hahahaha

05/04/2013 at 09:20 PM

Speak of the devil. It's alright. Your liver will live a lot longer than mine.

Townz90

05/05/2013 at 10:58 AM

I come from a country where Binge drinking is a problem, so yeah I'll take you on Blake. SHOT! I'm not a fan of TB, I just disagree with his opinions. Makes us brits look smug as well, which we can be but not to that extent! I love the TGS podcast as well, you should listen to the Videogamer UK podcast, genuinely the finniest thing I listen to on the daily commute. I <3 Dodger.

05/05/2013 at 02:54 PM

I disagree with quite a number of things he says, but at least when I do, I understand his opinion. When I disagree with yahtzee, it;s generally because he is actually being ignorant of a genre or mechanic and acts like it's the games fault. TB regularly admits fault, and often says "I didn't like this game, but it's well structured and if you like that kind of thing you should buy it!" I do see the smugness, and it does occasionally annoy me. I shall look that up though!

Also, it's on bitch. "Consumes a jug of goon"

daftman

05/06/2013 at 12:18 PM

That, sir, was epic lol. And I won't hold it against you that you didn't share your Pringles with me. As for youtube, I don't watch anybody, ostensibly because I don't have time but I'm intrigued by some of these personalities you've mentioned. I might have to check them out...if I have time lol

05/06/2013 at 04:59 PM

Glad it entertained you :). Fortunately, unlike some of my past ones, it wasn't completely embarrassing or offensive whilst reading sober lol. Sometime in the future, we must share pringles and bond thought.

Yeah, check them out. They may not be to your tastes, but check them out anyway. Maybe stay away from TB's channel though, as his videos can be quite long.

PixlBit